Lord, teach me to pray

I know you’re there. So, let’s be real.

Dear God,

I know you’re there. So, let’s be real. We may as well get started.

Do you like that cross? I love it. It’s made out of one nail. I know that must have hurt, but looking at it reminds me of the suffering you went through for me. Me and my sister, Suzy, fight over who owns it. It’s just because we both like it and have become mixed up about whose it really is.

I’ve been thinking about how you don’t (normally) choose to meet us face to face, though you promise that you will, one day, in eternity. That should be fun.

You don’t normally talk in a way that we hear you. We have perfectly good ears, but you choose to rout our social network via our heart—a regular, but unusual medical phenomena. That’s okay. I guess that it’s not okay to tell you “That’s okay.” I can’t give GOD permission on how to design our communication. Sorry for that.

So, I was wondering about “all my days?” You know, all that you have planned for me? I noticed that as I’m aging there is a lot less hair on my head; hairs you’ve numbered. Are you still keeping track? And does it have anything to do with the number of my days? I’m guessing there is some connection. Maybe just age.

You’ve certainly written a few interesting chapters in your book regarding life. The Preacher (in Ecclesiastes chapter 1, verse 2) says, “Vapor of vapours, and futility of futilities, …. all is vanity.” Seems like he’s right. I try my best to get everything done that I need to accomplish in a day, but it seems pointless—futile. I fail. I even skip reading the Bible and talking to you. You already know that.

I mess up on daily exercising. I don’t even do my important physio every day, and I should, because I can’t walk. There are 13 screws in my neck. Honestly, you’d think I’d know that it’s vitally important. I do know it. But I don’t do it. At least not consistently.

Yeah. It’s part of designing us with a conscience. Medical science hasn’t got “conscious” in its body-parts-book yet; it’s not quite figured that one out. Remember that verse? Romans 7:15,16? What a sense of humour you have! I quote you (oh, it’s not you, a disciple is speaking, excuse me):

“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I can’t. I do what I don’t want to—what I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience proves that I agree with these laws I am breaking.”

Yep, you nailed me! Sorry! I was just joking.

Ha! And that thought makes me think of a portrait my cousin drew of me; he doesn’t like to draw, so the outcome was such a surprise! He tried hard to do his best. We nearly died laughing. When my husband saw it, that’s exactly what he said, “You nailed her!”

You’ve got to see the picture… here it is.

See what I mean?

Okay, my mind got side-tracked. Just wanted to give you a laugh. I know you laugh. At least that’s what is reported (by an angelic journalist somewhere on a celestial cloud?): “He who sits in heaven laughs…” (Psalm 2:4)

Do you know what, Lord? We founded a school in 1986. Year after year government stipulations stopped us from going past 8th class. It’s taken us 36 years to finally, this 2022, watch Class 12 graduate. A total of 21 students. It was amazing, and we couldn’t have made it happen without you. Thanks.

Just a couple days before the graduation, I was walking by a group of senior boys at school who called out to me. “Hello, ma’am. Good morning, ma’am.” And then I heard one of them say, “Ma’am how are you, now?” I answered with my usual answer of “good, good” and put my thumb in the air. I walked on by. And you know what? Afterwards, I really regretted what I said. I broke the number one first rule of this school. “Living in Love.” That is our school motto from its very beginning.

That student added “now” to “how are you?” He was asking me a personal question, because he was asking out of love. I missed my opportunity. I felt very bad. Sorry Lord. You know, I just love talking to you. I just love being solely me alone with you. It feels natural. Besides, I can’t be anything but natural with you. There isn’t anything you don’t know about me. So, you know I love talking to you.

Lord, there’s a certain situation which is really getting me down, depressed, and plain sad because of what some people are saying behind other’s backs. It feels terrible. Last night I couldn’t even sleep. What do you think, Lord? It wasn’t my fault, but still, I feel guilty and I don’t even know why! If you could only just give me some wisdom on this. I long to hear from you… my heart is listening. Please just give me a word.

Okay, I know this isn’t really how you do things… you prefer speaking through my heart, but I have this Bible app on my phone. If you want, just speak to me this once through this app. Okay God, I’m going to’ scroll now without looking and use my finger to click on a book in the bible. Here goes.

Oh! Don’t know what I choose, but I’ll choose a chapter and then a verse. Let’s see what I got. I hope you did give me a personal word. I need one.

Song of Songs 4:13, 14

Your inward life is now sprouting, bringing forth fruit.
What a beautiful paradise unfolds within you.
When I’m near you, I smell aromas of the finest spice,
for many clusters of my exquisite fruit
now grow within your inner garden.

Oh my! God! Wow! That is amazing! You are talking to me, and saying such nice things! That is so kind and sweet of you! Oh… I know, yes, you love me. I got it. You said it. You trust me. I get overwhelmed when you do something like this. Thanks God. I love you too.

… God, please, just one more word? Hearing from you again would just thrill me and encourage me to the ends of the earth. Please! I’ll do the scroll thing again. (And I won’t hold it against you if you don’t talk to me this way again.)

Song of Songs 4:6

I’ve made up my mind.
Until the darkness disappears and the dawn has fully come,
in spite of shadows and fears,
I will go to the mountaintop with you—
the mountain of suffering love
and the hill of burning incense.
Yes, I will be your bride.

Oh God! How did you know? Yes, the shadows and fears in my life can be too heavy sometimes and drag me down. Those words Lord, are exactly what my heart is saying to you! Did you hear my heart? Did I talk to you through my heart like you designed? I love that! Oh Jesus, please, I have made up my mind and I do want to go to the mountain-top with you, and yes, I want to be your bride. “I do.”

God, if you were to rate me on a one to ten scale on prayer, that is, our talks together, what score would I get? I mean, when I pray like this, is this really what you want? I’m asking you, “Teach me to pray,” because you said to say, “Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name…., “and it might help me to know how I’m doing. I don’t use those big words, like hallowed, Thy, Thou, and art. It’s just not me. And when I talk to you, I go around the world and you’ve got the whole world in your hands! So, my score would be…

A ten? Really? Thanks. Okay, if you say so.

I could just talk to you all day… so I won’t say amen. I’ll play this little song I wrote for you. Well, you wrote the words; they are beautiful. Hope you like it.

Our Song of Songs

I’ve made up my mind.
Until the darkness disappears and the dawn has fully come,
in spite of shadows and fears,
I will go to the mountaintop with you—
the mountain of suffering love
I will go to the mountaintop with you
The mountain of love
Oh, the hill of burning incense, oh yes.
I will come, yes, I will be your bride.
I will be your bride. I am your bride.

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